Trigger warning, this book review covers the topic of abuse. This book addresses abuse of various kinds. Reader proceed with caution as needed.
One of the things I appreciate most about Wade Mullen’s, Something’s Not Right: Decoding Hidden Tactics of Abuse and Freeing Yourself From Its Power, is how he emphasizes the confusing nature of abuse, especially for those in the midst of it or coming out of it. Although the book is a few years old, its content continues to be relevant today whether inside or outside religious settings and contexts. Mullen writes from the perspective and experience of a pastor who experienced spiritual abuse while on staff, as well as a researcher and advocate for those is abusive settings.
Street cred
Dr. Mullen studied over 1000 cases of clergy abuse in churches identifying the tactics used to cover them up, rebrand scenarios, and deny these incidents for research for his doctoral thesis. He also writes from his own personal experience of abuse in a church ministry setting. He’s invested the time and energy to understand religious system dynamics, abusive structures, and the impact of psychological abuse done by those claiming the name of Christ. He helps the reader understand the tactics used by organizations unwilling to do the tough work of ownership of wrong doings, accountability, and consequences. He also helps the reader take initial steps to reclaim their voice and seek safety in a wise and accessible way. He shares how his own therapist helped him find the words to describe the type of abuse he was experiencing which helped bring needed mental clarity to his situation.
Abuse defined
How does Mullin define abuse? “When someone treats you as an object they are willing to harm for their own benefit, abuse has occurred, and that person has become an abuser. Some of the worst forms of abuse are psychological.” In the counseling field, something I will often hear from those who are victims of psychological and emotional abuse is their own dismissal of verbal abuse. “It’s not like he hits me” they say. “I don’t even know if I can really call it abuse because he is being nice to me now.” Another states, “I just need to submit to the pastor’s authority in this situation.” This type of abuse primarily involves emotional manipulation: confusing of facts, dismissive responses to concerns, causing self-doubt, questioning of reality, receiving direct threats, neglect, and additional misuse of power (2020). Dr. Mullen notes that the core of abuse is deception with the intent to harm and destroy lives (2020). “Abuse impairs your ability to make sense of what is happening. It spins you around and disorients you” (2020).
He continues in his book about the “impression management” organizations employ to mitigate consequences and protect those who’ve done harm. Wade also breaks down an authentic apology that takes responsibility and does not blame others for actions. He concludes his book by encouraging the reader to access support, take steps towards finding joy again, and noting that healing will take time. He includes numerous resources to help get the reader start on the path to healing and includes a chapter summary with examples of points throughout the book.
Why You Should Read This Book
If you are part of a church or other organization, whether religious or not, the potential for abuse in some capacity over time is certain. I recommend that congregants, not just religious leaders, read this book. God’s people have the responsibility to be knowledgeable about tactics abusers use to harm His sheep (Matthew 10:16). Those in leadership positions, elders, pastors, deacons, deaconesses, shepherdesses, ministry directors, Sunday school teachers, and youth leaders should all have a basic understanding of what steps to take when something’s not right. If you are a counselor who works with people of faith, this book will help you understand the spiritual background and dynamics of these types of abusive situations. The last seven years of church news in the west exposed hundreds of cases of mishandled abuse of various kinds across the United States within the Catholic Church, the Southern Baptist Convention, as well as smaller denominations. The topic of abuse can be overwhelming and intimidating to understand yet Mullen includes multiple resources for the reader to contact depending on the type of abusive situation past or present as starting points.
His book can help get you begin a path of equipping to discern where people in your congregation, or yourself may need intervention, support, and care (Proverbs 31:8-9).
If you are in an abusive situation and need to talk to a confidential support, the National Domestic hotline, https://www.thehotline.org/ or 800.799.SAFE (7233), RAINN: Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network, www.rain.org, Confusion to Clarity, www.confusiontoclaritynow.com
To read more from Dr. Mullen, https://substack.com/@wademullen
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